Have you ever had one those "I need a new job" kind of day!?? Kind of week? You've been doing your best, working so hard and not seeing anything in return. Feeling unappreciated and wondering if waking up and doing it over and over again its even worth it.
Wait, why am I even asking? I'm willing to bet my dog that we've all had. These past few days at work have been crazy. Not "run around the building looking for something" crazy, more like "why am I fucking doing this" kind of crazy. Not only did I get so sick I spent 24-72 hours right next to the toilet, but I've had to deal with some incompetent co-workers. You know, those people who claim to love what they do, but in reality they are there for the paycheck. They are there because that's all they know and they are afraid to go for what they want. They're safe and well, at the end of the day they are who they are. But yes... those people totally fuck up your mood at work. So, I've had to deal with being sick, having a crappy salary (because society doesn't think teachers deserve a decent salary), having parents not understand the difference between teaching vs. raising a kid.... and of course, students who get on your nerves. It's not easy!
I woke up a few times these past few days, asking myself why in the world am I doing this? I have the skills to sit behind a desk and push papers, the personality to sit in boring meetings and make important decisions, to sale something very expensive to someone who doesn't need it... so why am I fucking wasting my time working with kids? Trying to make a difference when obviously nobody cares. Sure, in the past four months, I've made a difference in one student, but c'mon... he's in kindergarten and I don't know where he's going to end up in a few years. I've lost hope! Not because I don't want to believe in these kids, because God knows I do. But because I'm tired. I'm an artist who decided to start teaching during the day to pay the bills, but the truth is... I love teaching. I am doing what I love. I make art, I make a difference, I am living my life.
So I am one in a million! I am following my dreams, doing what makes me happy and making a difference. But it's hard to remind optimistic, especially when you have people whispering in your ear "you should go back to corporate and make more money". I mean, c'mon... totally tempting!!
These are the moments I live for! Days that remind me that there is a little person who doesn't have anyone else to talk to but me. That is the beauty of teaching. Not just feeding their brain, giving them skills to use in the future, but knowing that at any given time.... there is a kid who doesn't have a support system and sees you not just as a role model, but as the ONLY person they can go to when they need someone; because they have no one else they can trust.
