A 365 day journey dedicated to the art of learning self love.
It all began around this time last year. I was feeling really down, wasn't enjoying life at all and next thing I knew, I was battling depression and taking antidepressants to help me get through my day. At first, I didn't want to admit it. I mean, let's face it; my friends often describe me as someone who is always trying to inspire others. No one really thinks of me as someone who would cry herself to sleep, randomly have an anxiety attack or even contemplate taking the easy way out of life.
A lot of things happened these past few months and I could sit here and blame people and different situations, but it came down to my choices. You see, back in 2012 I left my lucrative corporate job and promised myself I would go after my art, to make a difference in my community, to not settle for the 9-5, to enjoy life. And I did. It was amazing. So what happened? How did I go from absolutely loving life to not wanting it anymore? Well, it took me a while but I figured it out. It turns out, I started caring too much about what others thought about me. I made the choice to let their opinions influence my decisions. I stopped focusing on my needs and tried to live up to their expectations.
I remember earlier this summer, sitting on my bed one night and realizing that a lot of things needed to change. I didn't love my job anymore, my relationship was falling apart, I resented my family, my friends for things I never did before, I even stopped taking care of my health; and the sad part is that I knew it was all wrong and I had the power to make a change, but I was too proud to ask for help and to scare to take a leap of faith, to let go, to feel uncomfortable. I felt lost and it scared the shit out me. There I was 30 going on 21. It was almost as if I didn't learn anything in my 20s.
So I went for it and put myself first. It really amazed me how quickly I began to notice things that I've been missing. I still have some rough days, cry in the middle of the day, don't feel like getting out of bed. But you see, instead of taking it one day at a time. I am now taking it a few hours at a time. I started taking ownership and made peace with a lot of things. I began to once again make time to explore my creativity and it re-programmed my brain. Doing what I love and celebrating the good in my life improved the way I felt mentally, spiritually and my relationships.
I say a prayer when I wake up. I remind myself that while I wake up today, someone else is breathing their last breath. I stop and thank God for another day, no matter how hard it gets. I pray for the strength to get through it and make it a point to make it great. To stop and create little moments of happiness for myself.
Have you ever tried a 365 challenge? I would love to hear about your experience. If you plan to start one leave me a comment and we can cheer each other along!
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